Apple Control

Coleman Brummel and Evan McNamee

Colin Brummel

In the wake of everything trendy in 2019, perhaps the best new thing to have is AirPods. But people are discouraged from buying them by their whopping $160 price tag. Even though they are fully wireless,  when you can buy semi-wireless earbuds for $60 it seems like a no brainer choice. Again and again the odds are stacked against Apple as their prices suck and their competition is huge. So why then are people wasting their money on AirPods when they can just use a different brand? There is a simple yet crazy answer. Mind control.


I notice them actively manipulating my thoughts.”

— Grace Vander-Griend (11)

Apple officially released AirPods in December of 2016, but not very many people used them until late 2018 when they became popular. But why did it take so long for them to be popular? “I think that it didn’t become trendy fast because they aren’t that cool.” Liam Hooker (11) said. “I believe that Apple implanted mind control devices in a newer set of AirPods because they are crazy expensive and nobody would ever buy them in a conscious state of mind.”


Throughout every instance of possible mind control, the person who bought AirPods had tried another person’s AirPods a week previous. Matthew Holroyd (10) is an AirPod user herself. “I tried a friends AirPods just to see how cool they were.” Holroyd said. “After about 5 minutes of playing around with them I had a very persuasive voice in my head telling me to buy them, and after about a week I did.” Experiences like these make the possibility of mind control go way up.


The need to purchase AirPods isn’t the only way they control one’s mind. “When I put them in I feel more confident, like I’m somehow better than those without them,” Grace Vander-Griend (11) said. “I notice them actively manipulating my thoughts and distorting the words of non AirPod users. They begin to sound like they’re speaking a foreign language and become unimportant to me. If it is some form of mind control, I wouldn’t be surprised.”