Sehome conspiracy Theories: Mr. Toney is a hologram confirmed; Please hold, cloning in progress

Cayden Larossa and Nate Southcott

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  1. Mr. Toney is a hologram confirmed

Mark Toney is a beloved teacher at Sehome High School, and has been for nearly 18 years. He teaches Advanced Placement Physics and has been the head of the science department for most of his time at the school. He is widely known for his sense of humor and the down to earth attitude that makes him seem truly human. But is he? The famed teacher has supposedly been seen after hours disappearing in a flash of flashy flash stuff, the claim? Our dear Mr. Toney has been replaced by a hologram!! After digging into the situation our investigative team discovered an appalling truth: not only is the current teacher a hologram, but he has been for nearly twenty years since the real Mr. Toney was murdered and replaced. The source for the nearly daily hologram has yet to be discovered and is surely well hidden. The hologram and its facilities expand all the way into the campus of Western Washington University to maintain a sense of realism. Even when confronted with this information Toney responded “I can neither confirm nor deny that accusation.” Which is exactly what a hologram would say!

Our sources have asked to remain anonymous out of fear for targeting from the group that is responsible for this despicable cover up. My editors and fellow reporters don’t want me to add any more information because they are scared too. But I’m not. The Sehome Secret Society, or SSS, has been suspected of involvement in many other morally and legally questionable activities at Sehome for years. With this new investigation we finally have enough information to go to the police. You hear me SSS? I am not afraid! I know what you are and about who’s backing you! And you can’t stop me from going public! I know all about the cloning project, the murders, and the sabotaged bomb shelter in the 60s. Nothing you can do can sto

YES WE CAN.

 

Please hold, cloning in progress

Sehome High School recently wrapped its production of Romeo and Juliet, a tragic story that left the audience with more questions than answers at the end of each show. The production was full of Sehome’s signature style, brilliant acting,and plenty of twists and turns; but one turn that was unexpected was the death of the actors themselves. Now, you may be asking “Just how does an actor die and then come back to life?” Well, our sources have informed us that the deaths were indeed real and that the answer to their resurrection lays in cloning. “Technology has advanced so far, it just makes sense” said an anonymous source who no doubt has his fingers in the pie, so to speak. After lots of digging, we unearthed the source: Sehomes’ theatre department has recently come in contact with a large amount of money, donated by an anonymous benefactor, which is funding a massive underground cloning project. We confronted the director of the show with the existence of this secret facility and program, “Who told you!?!?!?” Kandace McGowan (Theatre Director) responded, shocked that we knew. No further investigation necessary, thank you for coming to our Ted Talk. Now you know.

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